As Ollie's surgery approaches, I feel more calm...most of the time
The day we scheduled surgery I cried hard. I still dread handing her over to the nurses that day & I dread seeing her with tubes & wires and a nasty incision on her sweet chest. I want to fast forward, but God has lessons for Jade & I to learn.
I know surgery will fix her. I know without this surgery, she won't last. I know that she will come back to us a stronger version of herself. I am ready for that re-birth.
You see, I have gained a lot of faith throughout this process. I firmly believe that God does not make mistakes.
He made no mistake when he created Ollie for Jade & I. He purposely built her heart to need a repair & he purposely gave her that extra chromosome that makes her so special. She was created in perfect form & trust me her sweet smile & blue eyes are nothing short of an addiction for me.
Why did God make her this way?
I don't know. I'm sure some day I will understand it all, maybe not.
Right now I do believe Ollie is a super special child. I believe she was given to us to win hearts and souls for God's Kingdom. I also believe that she has a big and bright future & that she's going to shatter many stereotypes about Down Syndrome. I know that she will conquer open heart surgery. I know she is one of the toughest babies that I know.
You see God has big plans for us all. I used to never understand why God took away my brothers. As I became an adult, I think I understand it more. I have witnessed my parents develop a marriage & bond that most people only dream of. You see - God made them strong through their loss. In turn, they were the best parents & still are today. They pour out their hearts, time, and wallets if we let them to make sure us girls have the best lives possible. They are spectacular people.
When we found out about Ollie's heart, my heart ached for Jade & I, but probably even more for my parents. It was one of the first things I told Jade I dreaded most - telling my parents because they faced this once. It didn't seem fair for them.
However, I believe my brothers were taken to heaven to prepare our family for Ollie. She is going to be a happy memory of St. Louis Children's Hospital. I believe his plan was to teach love & dedication to them so they would raise me to be strong, to marry a good man, to become great parents to our children. He taught them so much & they shared it with me. He did all of this, so Ollie could win hearts for the Kingdom of heaven, so Ollie could change hearts and minds everywhere. I believe through the loss of my brothers, God had a plan & a purpose that he is revealing through Ollie. For this reason, I am confidant O's surgery will be a success. I haven't ever told Mom this is what I think, she may think I'm 100% crazy here, but alas this is what I have believed.
I am still scared, but more than anything I am ready for that healthy heart. I am ready for the day after surgery, June 10th, my 29th birthday, to kiss sweet Ollie and KNOW that her heart is working & KNOW that our great life is just getting started. She will finally be my healthy baby girl!
Get ready folks because when this baby feels better - she's really going to charm the pants off of you - you haven't seen anything yet!!
I agree with you 100% - miss Ollie is here to do GREAT things for God's kingdom. She will be a shinging light to people in a sometimes dark world. I cannot wait for her to be through her surgery and on the other side, a healthy, happy, and super loved baby girl. Hugs to you and kisses for sweet baby Ollie!!
ReplyDeleteOK, and sorry, I mean that she will be a SHINING light, not a shinging one! I will blame that typo on Ollie's friend Bailey, who is sitting on my lap flailing her arms around wildly. :)
ReplyDeleteOh you are so right daughter of mine. God has a great plan. He is so smart. When we get to Heaven we won't need any explanations. we will just slap our foreheads and say Oh duh that's why! As much as we loved Danny and Doug and as much as we love Ollie, he loves them soooo much more.
ReplyDeletePS I am glad you think we did good ;)
So many people you may not directly know (but who read your blog) are covering you in prayer. I hope on June 9th you can literally feel those prayers and God can give you & your sweet that peace that goes beyond all understanding.
ReplyDeleteJust reading this gave me goosebumps. Your questions, im sure, are ones that we have all asked ourselves. Your right though, she was made perfectly and she will make it through surgery with flying colors! Someday we will meet and then someday our girls will run around with each other wearing their heart hero capes!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, I just read the post about your brothers. What a beautiful, amazing family you have! It is not hard to see that Ollie was chosen to be a member of this special family!
ReplyDeleteAnnie, Ollie has stolen the hearts of all who have heard your story (and especially the ones who have held her in our arms). She is a beautiful gift to all. You have such an amazing support system and you can count on all of us for an abundance of prayers. You are 100% correct in believing God has a plan...we don't always understand but if we trust in him good things will follow. Squeeze that beautiful girl for me! Bella says play date soon!
ReplyDeleteAnnie, When you express what you have learned and ARE LEARNING, God's glory is expressed in a fresh way.... I love Jesus' answer about the man who was blind from birth--"This happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life". Don't you ♥ it?
ReplyDeleteAlready that is true about Ollie and she's just getting STARTED!
I love her sweet chuuby baby cheeks!!!!
ReplyDeleteMy pants have already been charmed off by her!! I love hearing about your faith and the understanding in knowing God is there!! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI think that you have touched thousands, if not millions of lives since Ollie Faith has been born and in the months before her arrival. You are educating the masses about special needs children and how simply magical they are. That, my friend, might have been part of God's plan for you. You are one lucky mama to have such a special little girl to raise!
ReplyDeleteShe's so adorable, exactly the way God made her. We'll keep praying for you!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post! I love it!
ReplyDelete