I have been putting off writing this for sometime. Trying to gather my thoughts, my emotions, and to understand purpose in hard things. For me this blog is my therapy. I have re-read where I was during my pregnancy with Ollie, during her open heart surgery, and it puts me right back in that spot. Then I see more recent blogs I have created with the joy we live now. So it only is right to share this so I can always remember a piece of our life - an important piece. I write here for mainly for myself.
The truth is we were finished having babies. I wanted a baby after Ollie, but Jade didn't and we had come to terms with being done and were perfectly happy with the 3 kids we have. But God had different plans for us. I had an IUD (paragaurd) placed in 2011 - I have had it almost 4 years. In November I started having some abnormal and severe cramping, I thought it was my IUD and I told Jade it was time to talk about a vasectomy and get my IUD removed. I personally don't like using synthetic hormones & my IUD had none in it - and honestly it was his turn to take one for the team. He setup a consult appointment to get his vasectomy.
Literally 2 days later (Thanksgiving day), I started having the pregnancy symptoms - after 3 prior pregnancies I know what it feels like to be pregnant. Jade thought I was crazy, I agreed, but took a test anyway. Then I saw the positive lines. We were blown away! And his face when I told him was sheer excitement for another baby. I couldn't believe it, he couldn't believe it - it truly was a God thing!
So we scheduled an appointment immediately to get my IUD removed, and prayed like crazy that it wouldn't cause a miscarriage...and it didn't! My hormone levels kept climbing & everything seemed to be on the up & up.
We planned a big reveal for our family at Aubrie's 9th birthday - we knew they would be shocked because they knew we were "done". We bought the kids a baby doll to open at Aubrie's birthday party with a note about their new sibling coming in August. It was several weeks of excitement & quite honestly amazement in God's miracle work.
I had some spotting this pregnancy, which was different for me that's never happened before, but with my blood levels continuing to improve my doctor was confident all was fine, but honestly I felt in my heart that it wasn't...so I told my sisters & mom because I kept thinking I was miscarrying.
I went Christmas shopping with my sisters December 11th & felt great all day. It was so nice to spend a day with them. It was a great day talking about baby #4 and planning what was to come! I was 6 weeks along at this point which is still rather early considering we knew for 2 weeks prior.
Then on the way home I started to not feel well and it escalated quickly from me not feeling well, to thinking I may throw up, to passed out in a gas station on the floor then puking my guts out...waking up to an ambulance & fire truck. I took an ambulance ride, waited a long time, and found out I had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured. We had lost the baby and I had internal bleeding and needed emergency surgery.
By the time she took me into the OR I could barely breath b/c of the bleeding. I had a laproscopic surgery and one day of recovery in the hospital. I came home with a huge, bloated and painful belly but was back to my old self within 2 weeks.
Our hearts were broken, but we are recovering at home with 3 kids to hug and kiss daily. But please continue to pray for me. I went from not wanting any more babies, to ecstatic about a baby, to losing the baby, and now I'm in this tough position to decide what's next. I know God has plans and I will understand them all some day, but some days it's hard. But all in all we are recovering and doing well....thank goodness for my husband - he's my rock as always! <3 p="">