When I was pregnant & we found out that Ollie most likely had Down Syndrome I was sad. I was heart broken. All my dreams for her crashed around me. That one ultrasound changed my life, or so I thought.
I got over it. I found blogs with children that had Down Syndrome & it comforted me. However, I was still only 5 months pregnant & very hormonal. For 5 long months I wondered about my Ollie. Would she have Down Syndrome. Would it matter to me? Would I be sad the day of her birth? It was really hard to wait until she was delivered to have that answer.
I tried to pray DS away. Then, I prayed with open hands praying for God's will to be done. All along it felt wrong because I knew in my heart she had Down Syndrome.
The day she was born, I was sad for maybe 2 minutes. Then, they put her in my arms and she smiled and it all melted away. I instantly loved her just like I love Aubrie & Everett. I celebrated her just like I did Aubrie & Everett. She was ours, and she was perfect.
Now, 9 months later, 4 months after her birth I can say Down Syndrome makes me happy. She makes me happy, overjoyed really. She is beautiful. She laughs with her whole body. Her almond eyes, crooked tiny pinkies, her chubby neck, her single life line, her repaired heart...they all make me happy. Life with out her is unimaginable.
What makes me sad is that I can't ever have another baby like her (unless we adopt). She is one of a kind. God doesn't create a baby with Down Syndrome very often. What makes me even more sad is that when he does create one of these miracle babies, 90% of them are aborted out of fear. Those families will never ever know what they missed out on. They are missing out on a special peek into heavens doors!
You see my Ollie is awesome. She has this sparkle in her eyes like she has laughed with God. When she grows she will be just like any other kid. She will run and play, giggle and sing, dance and clap. She will talk & walk. She will go to school & learn. She will do anything she sets her heart upon. The only difference is that it may take her a little longer to do things that others take for granted, but she will do them. She will celebrate bigger because she will work harder to get there.
It makes me sad that not all people know the beauty in Down Syndrome. Some see it as a birth defect. The people that really know Down Syndrome see it as a blessing.
They are making a new blood test to detect Down Syndrome much more accurately and earlier in pregnancy. I fear the abortion rate will rise above 90%. I have heard them say that Down Syndrome will no longer exist. That's not the case. Down Syndrome will exist, but it will be eradicated. The babies will still be created. They will be there with beating little hearts, and many of them will be removed before they have their chance to shine. It is sad. I pray that the families that find out they are having a child with Down Syndrome stumble upon a blog like mine or a blog like my many friends in this community. I pray that our beautiful blessings convince them that this life is precious & that our children are perfectly & wonderfully created by HIM.
I agree our Vada has been nothing but a blessing to our family and her extra Chromosome has only brought us extra happiness. We too feared the unknown and I am sad that many other fear it enough to kill their unborn because of it. I pray for them often and for their loss. Down syndrome should not be feared, nor should the ones who have it, they should be embraced and welcomed with open arms. They should be shown love and compassion because they are every much as needed in this world as a person who does not have Ds.
ReplyDeleteOh yeh... I love all of the pictures, you know that I think Ollie is a doll, but I especially like the picture of her palm. Its hard for me to pick out favorite parts on Vada because I like them all but her left palm is one of my ultimate favorites.
ReplyDeleteAmen and amen.
ReplyDeleteIt is so sad that we make decisions based on fear. I think so few people have faith. God does not give us more than we can handle and so many people fail to recognize "blessing in disguise" our immediate reaction is to reject what we do not know. It is such a shame that precious lives would be aborted based upon fear. She is a beautiful baby Annie and it is obvious that she brings joy to your family.
ReplyDeleteI have to hold onto the hope that there are more people like us out there, who value life, value a baby as a living, breathing piece of themselves, and will carry their children to term anyway, regardless of a diagnosis. I always say that I wanted a baby, not a diagnosis. The diagnosis didn't matter, as long as I had my beautiful child.
ReplyDeleteGreat post.
It makes me sad too :( I pray people choose the right thing.
ReplyDeleteI loved reading this :) If only more people knew the joys and blessings our children really bring!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written :) Ollie is precious! I love reading your blog and am so happy that her surgery went well!
ReplyDeleteSo beautifully written! I was always more afraid to get the testing done and have that worry for the remainder of each of my pregnancies. I figured I would get the baby I meant to have - and I did. Funny how God works that way!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post. I've known some down syndrome older children and adults, and they are so affectionate and loving. They are without hypocrisy, prejudice, pretense or guile. They are just "who they are". I'm glad you are loving and enjoying your special little girl. :)
ReplyDeleteI can feel that your words come straight from your heart...you are a good, good person.
ReplyDelete"Some luck lies in not getting
ReplyDeletewhat you thought you wanted
but getting what you have,
which once you have got it
you may be smart enough to see
it is what you would have wanted
had you known....
~ Garrison Keillor
“It is only by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life.
Where you stumble, there lies your treasure. The very cave you are afraid to enter
turns out to be the source of what you were looking for” ~ Joseph Campbell
Two quotes I just love!!
Annie, I hope they read it too because Downs Syndrome, although a scary thing at first, can be a gift just as all challenges can be. What a difference Ollie will make in this world - she already has - through your words and pictures. Ann {{Ollie}}
ReplyDeleteWe didn't learn that my son had Williams syndrome until he was 16 months old. But I can totally relate to the grieving process that lead to not only acceptance but really, truly embracing the dx and all of the amazing, joyful moments and experiences that come along with it. :)
ReplyDeleteAmen! I had the same experience....I found out about Liddy's extra chromosome around the 5-6 month pregnancy mark...I felt like everything I dreamed for her was no longer a reality. I mourned that "perfect" baby girl I had imagined in my mind. But this baby, my Liddy, is more perfect than I could have ever dreamt. And I wouldn't trade her for a thousand babies without that extra magic. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking that blogging has brought great hope and happiness to many who share their joy (and challenges) with their special children with Down Syndrome. There is so much information-sharing; so much support here. What a blessing it must be to network this way.
ReplyDeleteAnnie, I know the community is blessed to have your entire & extended family as part of it!
Ollie and your family embody everything that is beautiful about Downs Syndrome. I've learned so much more about it because of her and of you, Annie. Thank you for that and for sharing the joy of her existence with the world. She is amazing! :) I can't wait to actually get to hold her one day soon.
ReplyDeleteBig Hugs....
C.A.
I love watching Brooke play with her toys...I never paid attention really with my others, we showed them what to push, they did, and bam, they were on their own...but everytime Brooke figures something out, everyone is so excited for her, and she knows it too, she knows how amazing she is and how loved she is and how everyone is here to support her...
ReplyDeleteJust wait, it only gets better....(of course, I won't be ridiculous and say sometimes it's not so great, cuz that's not true, but that's the deal with all kids, right?!)
phew, sorry for rambling...
Beautifully said. We would have missed a lot of pain if Adam hadn't been born with Arthrogryposis but we would have missed a lot more joy!
ReplyDeleteZach's Aunt Jean
Hi Annie,
ReplyDeleteI am so happy that Ollie has gotten through her surgery with flying colors. I totally get what you mean about DS, it would be such a gift from God. She is such a beautiful baby and so blessed to have been born into such an amazing family. I have learned the hard way that God does know what He is doing ALL THE TIME.
LeAnn:)
This post is so beautiful + moving. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI read this and tears started flowing. My daughter was born with DS. We found out at birth. She is the world to me. The Lord does work in mysterious ways.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your blog and I am currently 5 months pregnant and will be 35 at the end of my pregnancy. I am not trying to get anyone upset but I just want to put another opinon out there. I am a Pediatric nurse and also would not end a pregancy based on just down syndrome but I think as a nurse you need to not judge those that do. I care for lots of families with Down Syndrome children and there are several levels of functioning and illness that also incorperate DS. The risk for lifelong cardiac surgeries and hospitalizations is a possibility and the risk of leukemias can also be higher. Some families do make the decision out of fear, but I think for some families it is right, I have seen so many strong marriages devistated by the trials of having children with high medical needs. When you see that little baby of course you want to do everything to save that child and give them a chance at life but doctors don't always share the other side of what can happen if your child does survive with extrodinary measure taken after birth. Some families live at our hospital for years and then have to come to terms with the death of that child later and I know "One more day" is a great song but I often wonder if their pain would have been lessened if extrodinary measure had not been taken and thier family might not have been ripped apart. One person's story of a child with DS is never the same as the next. Yes the DS children that are heathy and high funtioning are a wonderful gift and so sweet. But the decision once the news if given that your child has DS should never be taken lightly, parents should think do they have a good support system, sadly do they have good heathcare, or jobs that support them not always being available, can one parent not work, if they have other children who will care for them if they have a child with high medical needs (mom is at the hosptial and dad has to work), are you willing to focus your life on that child and not on your spouse or other children, because physically you can not do it all! We often have children who are in the hospital for months and their families just go on without them care for their siblings and visit once a week, even go on to have more children. Thank God for these children there are nurses to love them. These families are the ones that should have thought harder about the decision to birth that child. There are people that foster DS children specifically and they are in and out of the doctor and hospital all the time, it is a commitment. Last week this foster mom, said "What's vacation" when I told her about my holiday trip. You need to put it into perspective. I am glad that Ollie is heathy and doing great, what a blessing, may she continue to strenghten your family as you endure regular challenges of raising a child with DS.
ReplyDeleteBecky - I wrote a whole post for you to digest, you needed schooled. Enjoy.
ReplyDeletehttp://housethatjadebuilt.blogspot.com/2012/01/schooled.html
Tears to my eyes immediately as your truth is spoken here! Truth piercing the heart. Thank you for all you are speaking and doing!
ReplyDelete