As Ollie's surgery approaches, I feel more calm...most of the time
The day we scheduled surgery I cried hard. I still dread handing her over to the nurses that day & I dread seeing her with tubes & wires and a nasty incision on her sweet chest. I want to fast forward, but God has lessons for Jade & I to learn.
I know surgery will fix her. I know without this surgery, she won't last. I know that she will come back to us a stronger version of herself. I am ready for that re-birth.
You see, I have gained a lot of faith throughout this process. I firmly believe that God does not make mistakes.
He made no mistake when he created Ollie for Jade & I. He purposely built her heart to need a repair & he purposely gave her that extra chromosome that makes her so special. She was created in perfect form & trust me her sweet smile & blue eyes are nothing short of an addiction for me.
Why did God make her this way?
I don't know. I'm sure some day I will understand it all, maybe not.
Right now I do believe Ollie is a super special child. I believe she was given to us to win hearts and souls for God's Kingdom. I also believe that she has a big and bright future & that she's going to shatter many stereotypes about Down Syndrome. I know that she will conquer open heart surgery. I know she is one of the toughest babies that I know.
You see God has big plans for us all. I used to never understand why God took away my brothers. As I became an adult, I think I understand it more. I have witnessed my parents develop a marriage & bond that most people only dream of. You see - God made them strong through their loss. In turn, they were the best parents & still are today. They pour out their hearts, time, and wallets if we let them to make sure us girls have the best lives possible. They are spectacular people.
When we found out about Ollie's heart, my heart ached for Jade & I, but probably even more for my parents. It was one of the first things I told Jade I dreaded most - telling my parents because they faced this once. It didn't seem fair for them.
However, I believe my brothers were taken to heaven to prepare our family for Ollie. She is going to be a happy memory of St. Louis Children's Hospital. I believe his plan was to teach love & dedication to them so they would raise me to be strong, to marry a good man, to become great parents to our children. He taught them so much & they shared it with me. He did all of this, so Ollie could win hearts for the Kingdom of heaven, so Ollie could change hearts and minds everywhere. I believe through the loss of my brothers, God had a plan & a purpose that he is revealing through Ollie. For this reason, I am confidant O's surgery will be a success. I haven't ever told Mom this is what I think, she may think I'm 100% crazy here, but alas this is what I have believed.
I am still scared, but more than anything I am ready for that healthy heart. I am ready for the day after surgery, June 10th, my 29th birthday, to kiss sweet Ollie and KNOW that her heart is working & KNOW that our great life is just getting started. She will finally be my healthy baby girl!
Get ready folks because when this baby feels better - she's really going to charm the pants off of you - you haven't seen anything yet!!