My sister Maggie said something recently, and it got me thinking. Maggie's motto has always been: For we walk by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). She in fact wants it tattooed on her foot some day.
She said she had been thinking about Ollie & realized that her motto in life is walk by faith, not by sight, and perhaps she should start living this motto. That perhaps she shouldn't believe that Ollie has a heart defect, even though we have seen it. That she shouldn't believe Ollie has down syndrome, although they say it's most likely the case. They being the doctors. She decided that maybe she needed to take her prayers back up that Ollie's heart will be healed & that Ollie will be born without Down Syndrome. Maggie is young, but for her age she is full of faith. It's funny to say in the faith world she's a role model to me, being almost 5 years younger.
Ironically, Jade then said almost the same thing to me this weekend. He's been praying hard that Ollie will not have down syndrome, that we will just have the heart defect. It is the one thing he's been asking for after we heard a particular message in church. Now he's thinking he gave up on her heart too soon. That miracles do happen and we need to keep praying about her heart and down syndrome for the next 6 weeks or so until she arrives. That God is still in control, and in the miracle making business - if it is his will.
This got me thinking hard. Walking by faith, and not by sight when you see the hole in your babies heart isn't easy for me to do. I'm a controlling person, and I can't believe how hard this is for me. Even with faith in the lord & that Jesus is my personal savior - I for some reason don't want to give this up to him. So...I sat down and read a book - yes an entire book. In this book it talked about faith often. It listed several bible verses about faith, then the author's thoughts about faith - these lines kept jumping out at me from the page. Almost as if God was speaking to me through this book. I finished the entire book & prayed & read in the bible for awhile. I am still praying that I can fully give up myself to the Lord - that I can truly walk by faith when it regards my daughter.
My Mom you see has been at this approach since day 1. I honestly thought she was crazy for some time. I was concerned about her & even talked to my Dad about it. I kept thinking she was setting herself up for disappointment because we have seen the hole in Ollie's heart with our own eyes, and we have seen all these markers for down syndrome. I was afraid she was building this up so she would avoid the heartbreak again that she had with my brothers. I was afraid she'd crumble. Dad told me that she has more faith than I could ever imagine & this is how she chooses to handle Ollie in her prayers. So I left it alone that she could handle it in her manner & I mine. Now I am realizing that my Mom has impressive faith.
I'm going to try hard, super hard to walk by faith. I do honestly believe without a doubt that if it is God's will, he will heal her heart and she won't have down syndrome. I don't doubt that for one second, but walking by faith & believing he is going to perform a miracle on her - well there I struggle. I don't know why I would get that miracle. So I'm going to keep praying - for myself for my faith to explode. It's probably the only resolution I have this year. I am also going to pray for her little heart & God's will to move in her little body!
Below are some verses I found when looking up more about Faith. This blog has transformed so much in a year. One year ago I would not have ever posted so much about the Bible on my blog - I guess I used to be embarrassed - shame on me! Now the decorating, home projects - they really don't mean much, although I do have some things to show you soon because I'm always up to something. Now if I can just help one person with my blog - if one single person is where Jade & I were in October - if they stumble upon this and they get a tiny glimmer of help or my faith gives them hope - I would be thrilled.
So friends keep on praying for Miss Ollie - whose middle name is now Faith - it only seems appropriate don't you think!!
Heb 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Rom 10:17 Faith comes by hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ.
Heb 11:6 Without faith it is impossible to please God....
Heb 10:32,35-39 ... in the face of suffering... do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a little while, "He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him." But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.
Luke 17:5 The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!" He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you."
Corinthians 2:5-7 For we walk by faith, not by sight
Today I got a very touching e-mail. A group of about 15 women I have never met in Southern Illinois have decided to pray for baby Ollie daily until she arrives. My due date is February 17th which would be in 6 weeks, but I’m guessing they induce me around the 10th which puts me at 39 weeks – the OB doctor talked to us about this last time. We go tomorrow to St. Louis for multiple appointments & we are hoping to find out more about a set induction date tomorrow.
These women are praying in particular for Ollie to be born completely healthy (God is still in the miracle business - so a healthy heart & no down syndrome) & for strength for our family because some days are tougher than others & we are facing a lot, but doing well. They are praying daily at 9 AM and 9 PM. I just wanted to spread the news to those thinking about us. If you would like to join in at those times or whenever you can until she arrives we would greatly appreciate it. Also, if you are a part of any prayer chains, bible groups, or know more prayer warriors please spread this to them as well.