I had this break through moment yesterday. I realized I hadn't even thought about Down Syndrome in days. I wasn't even sure the last time I mentioned the words.
And I know most people hear that and think it's insane or that I fixate on Down Syndrome. I don't. If I allowed myself, I could let it rule me, let it fill my mind with what ifs, nevers, maybes, a parade of fears. But I have always said Ollie will prove her capabilities to us, we will not set them upon her.
It's hard to not have it in your mind daily. She is constantly compared and tested against her peers. I have to constantly make the best decisions for her, work with her therapy goals at home with homework assignments, mark off her checklist of milestones, write down every single word just so it's counted for her. I have to decide is she ready to move to a 2 year old class at church in a month or stay with the 1 year olds? What's right? I don't know. What to do with therapies, what goals to write down for her to push her therapies for her to be preschool ready when she's three. There is SO much to consider for her that just came along with my other two typically developing kids. So even though I don't fixate DS, I live with it.
However, as she's turning 2 it's not as present. I just see her, beautiful, messy, spectacular, god-gifted, smart, funny, silly, wild, ornery her. And that is what I fixate on.