Monday, October 10, 2011

A Mother's Heart

My have I changed in the last year.

My whole life I never thought I could raise a child with a special need.  Two years ago I actually saw a family with an adult daughter with Down Syndrome, and I'm pretty sure I stupidly said, I could NEVER do that.  I think I said it aloud even. 

God chuckled pretty good that day at my stupidity.

You see I have never been comfortable around someone with a special need.  It was a problem with myself.  I never have been one to make fun of someone or to put someone else down & I was always afraid that some how some way I'd say something uneducated or offensive on accident.  So it was just easier to just not go there.

I know, shame on me, I never knew what I was missing.  My best friend always had a passion for children with special needs.  She worked at a local camp, she adored the kids, and now she has the degree to back it up.  I never understood her passion until now.

I have always said when it came to my children it didn't matter to me, but that was before it did happen to me.  I never dreamed it would happen to me.  I never truly realized the miracle that is a healthy, typical child.  All the steps that can go wrong during pregnancy never seemed like a possibility to me, until it was happening to me.  I just assumed I would always have healthy "perfect" babies.  I always did the AFP tests, just because if there was something, I wanted to know and educate myself.  I truly never thought I had to worry about any of it.

I never planned open heart surgery or Down Syndrome in my life, and I sure the heck would have never asked for it.

My how God has changed my heart in a year.  The thing I said I could never do, I am doing, and can't imagine it any other way.  I am in love with this baby, in love with Down Syndrome.  I see other kiddos and adults with Down Syndrome and I just stare at them with awe, in the beauty that lives inside their souls.  There is just something magical, I swear they have laughed with God, and they wear the sparkle of heaven in their eyes.

I have bravely walked the life of heart failure & open heart surgery.  I have not so bravely handed my baby off to a surgeon with tears running down my cheeks saying more prayers that I knew how to put together.  I have relied on my faith to carry me when I couldn't walk.  I have picked that baby back up post surgery with a singing heart, kissing her chubby cheeks rejoicing on how good our God is.  Now, I enjoy that baby daily, everything about her little soul is perfect.

I have made friends in a wonderful special needs community that I never would have been a part of, that I never would have understood until now.

A year later I have a thankful heart.  I feel blessed by Down Syndrome, blessed by open heart surgery, blessed by the life I live that God chose for me.  Because honestly it's not the life I would have ever chose for myself, but now that I know how perfect Ollie is, I would never choose anything else.


  1. perfection = Ollie. A blessing indeed. The greater blessing though is the realization that God is good all the time and with him all things are possible. Glad you know it.

  2. You made me cry....
    You are both so beautiful,inside and out, Annie. I am so very very glad to call you friend. :)

  3. A beautiful sentiment, beautifully written. Ollie is perfect, and you were hand picked by God to be her mother.

    "Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have,
    which once you have got it, you may be smart enough to see it is what you would have wanted
    had you known....
    ~ Garrison Keillor

  4. Aw, I'm crying too. You said so beautifully what I think many of us feel in our own hearts. Thank you, Annie.

  5. You said it all Annie. Ann {{Ollie}}

  6. You are so blessed to have Ollie. I love reading your blog. I don't have a child with Down Syndrome, but I have always been drawn to them. They have such a beautiful soul, that you can see on the outside. I love how they are always smiling. They are God's gift. Thank you for sharing your precious gift with us.


Thank you so much for your kind words & support! I love hearing from you & read each and every comment you leave for me! ~Annie


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